Chasing Dreams

08.23.2010

17:06

SCC

Okay, I am again using company time to write down my entry… critics, kill me! :P

Another run through of emotions are coming over me.  Where do I begin?  Hmmm… (thoughts are now punishing me with: if only I update my blog regularly, things would be easier.  But, as it is, I don’t so, I am forced to summon a flash back let’s go back to where it sparked anew..

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JUMPSTART

It was May of this year when I received an sms from my friend’s sister, whom I shall call Baby girl in this blog.  She usually sends me an invitation to do catering jobs for her projects which is why it came as a surprise when her message came as a casting call for a film that she was producing.  It took me a minute to get my thoughts together while butterflies began swirling in my tummy (as hard as it is to believe, I have attacks of stage fright).  I replied with the inquiry on the audition details.  Her next message was a shocker… there wasn’t going to be any auditions for the part because it was already mine!  She called me up and explained that it was going to be an indie film and her only concern is that if I was okay to do a sex-comedy.  I only needed one clearance, from my husband of course, when he gave me the go signal everything came in so fast that the next thing I saw myself in was the initial meeting and reading with the director.

FILMING

That first meeting sealed my position for the role.  Being a novice in the film industry, I had to carefully observe everybody around me, from my director to my co-actors to the staff and production crew.  As told by Baby girl, who was as I mentioned, the producer of the film, even if this was an indie film, her approach was that of a full production.  She got professionals to work for this film and it was indeed fortunate that I had the chance to work with them for my initial film experience.  

Yes, it was different from theater.  Heck, it was a turn around from the usual theater musical ala wonderland that I was so used to.  But I took in 101% of that experience and stored it in my FILMING box where all that I’ve placed in seemed to be jiggling still because of the abundance of space.  There were hitches I’m sure, no production (theater or film… or tv) is without them but they were too “in detail” for me to notice.  I was savoring each moment, even my own boo-boos, for reality is, this was my first but it could also be my last.

To be continued…

I Dream

07.16.2010
6:30

Office

It's TGIFriday!!!

We're coding today and I'm at the office trying to get some sleep before people start coming in.  Colbie Calliat is in the background and it brings memories of sort, transporting me to a time not long ago.  A time where I was in my alternate universe and yet the pull of the real world assists me in traversing it.

I'm getting a fuzzy feeling which makes me smile but gives me a yearning for something that I will continuously crave for...

I dream.

(the image at the right is borrowed from Ursi's Eso Garden --> http://www.eso-garden.com/)

King of Anything

07.10.2010
18:30
Living Rm 

Oh (oh, oh, oh)
Oh (oh, oh, oh)
Oh (oh, oh, oh)
Oh (oh, oh, oh)

Keep drinking coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I'd say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet
And count the cars that pass by
You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked
So let me thank you for your time
And try not to waste anymore of mine
Get out of here fast
I hate to break it you babe
But I'm not drowning
There's no one here to save


REFRAIN:
Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything


Oh (oh, oh, oh)
Oh (oh, oh, oh)
Oh (oh, oh, oh)
Oh (oh, oh, oh)

You sound so innocent
So full of good intent
You swear you know best
But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
Right off into your delusional sunset
I'm not the one who's lost
With no directions, oh
But you won't ever see
You're so busy making maps
With my name on them on all caps
You got the talking down, just not the listening

REFRAIN

BRIDGE:
All my life, I've tried
To make everybody happy 
While I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me
It's my turn
To decide


REFRAIN


Let me hold your crown, babe

>>>>>>>>>>>>


The catchy melody has driven me crushing on this song for some time now.  I've got no jerk to shoo away at the moment and tell this to but, should there be one in the future... this would come in quite handy :)

MAD

by:Ne-yo

She's starin' at me

I'm sittin' wonderin' what she's thinkin'
Nobody's talkin' 'cause talkin' just turns into screamin'
And now it's I'm yellin' over her, she yellin' over me
All that that means is neither of us is listening

And what's even worse?
That we don't even remember why we're fighting
So both of us are mad for

Nothing, fighting for
Nothin', crying for
Nothing, whoa
But we won't let it go for

Nothing, no not for
Nothing, this should be
Nothing to a love like what we got

Oh baby, I know sometimes it gonna rain
But baby, can we make up now?
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
Can't sleep through the pain

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
No, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
Oh no no no

And it gets me upset
Girl when you're constantly accusing
Askin' questions like you already know
We're fighting this war
Baby when both of us are losing
This ain't the way that love is supposed to go

Whoa, what happened to workin' it out?
We've fall into this place
Where you ain't backin' down and I ain't backin' down
So what the hell do we do now?
It's all for

Nothing, fighting for
Nothing, crying for
Nothing, whoa
But we won't let it go for

Nothing, no not for
Nothing, this should be
Nothing to a love like what we got

Oh baby, I know sometimes it's gonna rain
But baby, can we make up now?
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
Can't sleep through the pain

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
No, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
Oh no no no

Oh, baby this love ain't gonna be perfect
Perfect, perfect, oh oh
And just how good it's gonna be
We can fuss and we can fight
Long as everything's all right between us
Before we go to sleep
Baby, we're gonna be happy, oh

Baby, I know sometimes it's gonna rain
But baby, can we make up now?
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
Can't sleep through the pain

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
No, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
Oh no no no

Back at the Starting Line

05.15.2010 
03:36
Our bedroom

It's funny that I find myself in the same predicament and run to the same comfort as I have when I started this blog. So many things has happened, wonderful things, some even greater... what I have realized is that my motivation for writing are not the great things... I write to find solace.

>>>>>>>>>>>>

I do not know where to start. Or where to pick up from... it's been so long. All these seems utterly familiar but I find myself at a lost. Maybe its the numbness or the profound mixed emotions or maybe just the pure shock of it all.

The struggle is immense. The fight to move and the effortlessness of giving up. I feel spent and it's so easy to just pull out but I know that this will not be what I want in the long run...

... But I am tired of running head on... I want to run away...

Amidst the labyrinth of emotions... I am just simply lost.